As your mother, I just want you to learn your lesson!
When I'm a mother, I will be nothing like you.
Yes, you say that now, but just wait.
Imagine what kind of mother said that to her daughter. Or try to cinsider why would a daughter said something like that to her mother.
Maybe because her mother argue with hers before
It wasnt up to you to decide what kind of live i should have
what does it means to be a mother than to make sure that her daughter has to life hes destiny
but i want to create my own destiny.. But that would have meant losing you, and i was always too afraid to do that
Do you want to be like your mother? Be anything like her. Personally modelling her? Be exactly the kind of wife and mum your mother is? Most of a daughter would say so. Me not. Like the girl above, I will give my best effort to not be like her! Oke, it's not nothing like her. It just mostly not her. She's no longer my role model since I dont know, junior high?
Why must a mother feel that she had to figure out her child destiny and fate? Why cant a mother let her child to learn and grow by herself, with her being there when they needed her, but not be them, or decided where to go and what to do? Most of this kind of mother will shout to me "you dont have a right to say! you're not a mother yet! when you're a mother you'll know."
Yes, I hope I will. I hope I will know when to lean on and when to lean back. I hope I know when to be just rigth where I supposed to be. I hope I will know what to say and when to say. I hope I will know too when to be quiet and listen. And I really do hope that I will remember how it was to be a daughter that her mother disbeliefe and doubting.
I wanna be a better mother and I know I wil. I have my journals to remind me. I learned my developmental Psychology. I figured out my feeling. I know. I have to.
Do I hate my mother? I love her. It just that I hate her when she's pulling herself that I hate from her. She hesitate me. She controls me in many ways. She never even teach me how to cook but she told me how to hate. She disrespect all my decision. She hates all my boyfriend without any reasonable reason *she just said that its an motherly instict* She keeps a distance from us, her children, yet extremely nice to her friends. She's whining and whining and whining and has everyone to blame but herself. She dissapointed to me in many ways I dont think I deserve. She swears on us and hope for many bad things many times inspite of hoping what's best for us even when she doesnt know what we will become. She never be grateful for what she have. She made me cries many times more than a man could made me. She demands many things from me, since she wants me to be what she failed to be. Herself.
I cant leave her. I love her. Im not gonna abandoned her. She's my mother and her blessing's my heaven. I will try to stood still, even when Im hurt, just like now. Im not gonna let her screwing me even when she keeps bugging me. I am older and wiser, I cant just let a motherly issue breaks me. I am gonna keep a distance, just to keep it down.
But I am not her, and I dont wannabe her. I dont want to live her track, or the path she wants me through. Im going to live my own. I have my believe. I believe Im gonna make it. I just need her blessing, even when she disagree with the way Im going through. I dont need her hesitating me. I need her to believe me. I need her to let me be me. I need her to stop telling me, and yelling at me just to be her. I know she's unsatisfy with her life, and has a lot of things going on with my grandmother back then. But what makes her think Im gonna be just like her? Im not.
I hate her, but I hate myself when I hate her. I love her still, I just cant be her. And I wont. I will not. I will be a better mother than she ever was. I owe myself that even before my daughter to be. I know better. And better I will be.